(updated March 9th, 2018. the details of the summit between the Two Dear Leaders are being worked out)
Kim Jong Eun, Supreme Leader, Pyongyang, North Korea
Dear Comrade Kim:
I was watching the television news when they said that you were threatening to attack Guam and Hawaii with nuclear weapons on missiles. I live here in Honolulu and I wish you wouldn’t attack us. Please don’t.
They say you are just making empty threats to get attention. I dunno -It might be funny in a way except that most kids who throw tantrums don’t own nuclear weapons. From what I read, you have a wife with a new baby at home and a demanding job. You look like you don’t get enough exercise. You need a new barber.
I have some advice for you.
First, read this post. You don’t have to get up being mad with the South Koreans all the time. You can take charge of your own life and get new friends instead of relying on those guys your dad picked out for you. The seem like stick-in-the-mud guys. You could use some better wingmen. And I’m not talking about Dennis Rodman either.
Bottom Line – come visit!
It’s been along winter and I think instead of dropping the big one on Honolulu you should just take the wife and kids here for two weeks in the sun. There’s lots to do on Waikiki.
Let’s get back to Aloha.
That is what life is about. We’d be happy to teach you about it.